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A JONI THAT SINGS

Anyone could tell he didn’t belong once he opened his mouth to sing the first line of the song “Kumbaya.” Apart from the unconscious cracks and the battle of staying on the key of C major, Joni was shaking with each breath exhaled. His legs wobbled, his hands waggled, and his eyes spoke the language of fear mixed with doubt. How shocking! He was introduced to the choir as a tenor singer from a sister church called Oasis. Unfortunately, this oasis had its lungs and throat all dried up.   Joni stopped singing from the looks on every face. By a corner, he saw the man playing the drums lift his eyebrows - not in wonder but a mechanism most people adopt to hold back laughter. The woman playing the bass guitar was looking down at nothing. As Joni’s eyes roved around the church, he saw an invisible congregation, all rising from their seats, eyes tight with laughter! The white walls were bloody-looking. Ah! Even the brown wooden cross on the altar resembled a negation. Joni felt the wo...
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Reputably Drenched!


It was going to be a
rainy day in June. Chioma's interview had been slated for 9am as stated in the text message she had received the previous day. She had applied for the position of a Customer Service Officer online, in a Reputable Globally Known Company. With raised hopes, official killer outfit, rehearsed poise, and the Lord's Prayer keeping her almost calm throughout the bumpy drive, Chioma headed for the interview. After following the directions given to her, she still couldn't locate the company; she refused to, even though it stared her in the face like an angry mob. It was a kiosk-like room opposite the street's waste centre. After much consideration, she decided to go in. She was there already and had nothing else to lose but time.
"Good morning. May I ask if this is T&G Solutions?"
She was dead deep inside now when the scrawny looking receptionist answered "yes" to her question, and was led into a dingy space demarcated from the reception area by a slim curtain.
"Welcome to T&G Solutions. Please sit. May I see your CV...? Ok, impressive but are you sure you can do this job? Your duty is to assist me in the selling of our product..."

Chioma had ended the interview with the expression "God forbid!" She watched it on the comedy TV series The Johnsons but she was never going to be a T&G Bitters seller. She was more bitter now than the product itself. "They just had to lie! With such a ghen ghen website filled with big big grammar, all na wayo." She replaced her previous prayers with curses as she left the room; thunder from the gym, Sango's fire and God's punishment on T&G Solutions, whatever that meant. Chioma could not take the last bus to her street for no conductor was sympathetic enough to accept her hideous hundred naira note. She walked home in a drenched state, accepting that it really never rained but poured.

A SHARED EXPERIENCE  

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