EMMAWAD

“Do not eat like an animal Bomi. Wherever are you from? I told you to close your mouth while munching or you just might make others lose their appetite.” “Sorry Mrs." Said Bomi. “It is I’m sorry ma!” Said Mrs Dagogo. Bomi tried to adhere to her warnings by sitting straight, taking his elbows off the dining table and chewing with mouth closed, which lasted but five minutes. Unconsciously, provoking sounds ca me out of his mouth, food particles dropped on the table and the tarred floor was marred. The fork given to Bomi only decorated his right hand while the left did the job of the fork. These did not go unnoticed by Mrs who cursed herself for her action which she considered stupid and a spur of the moment. She was on her way to work that morning when she witnessed an angry m ob pour ing their wei ghts on     a little boy accused of theft. Pleading on his behalf, she asked what he had stolen. It was an apple. Mrs paid the mob for twenty apples and brought the little ...

There’s absolutely no big deal about this lockdown and the coronavirus outbreak. Despite my tentative unemployment and fear of the unknown, the shutdown means nothing. It is like another sixty-day public holiday. The type you get for no reason – like the collision of a few work-free days and some weekends. So that instead of closing on a Friday and resuming work on Monday, you enjoy your bliss from Thursday till Wednesday. Then the churches are closed. All football matches are cancelled. And there is a compulsion to spend this normal public holiday at home with your family. Exactly this is what the lockdown is for me. And there are no lessons to learn anew. No "aha" moments of any kind. Life is the same and there is no newness under the sun. The only exceptions are the things I noticed. One of such is that Zainab (my immediately younger sister) and I do not see issues in the same light. She was a youth corper in Ibadan until the family convinced her to come home, just bef...

Her voice jarred in my ears like an un-snooze-able alarm as she narrated to her colleagues how her sex partner could not satisfy her the previous night.  I stood at the bus stop that day for over an hour waiting to get a bus. It had not been easy for car-less residents of Lagos since the Okada and Keke ban. You either struggled or wobbled to get yourself home. I was usually part of the wobblers .  That day had a vibe on its own that could send the devil himself to hell unwillingly. The sun refused to set way after past 6, the air was at attention, and car owners were very unfriendly... would you blame them? When this bus rolled up in front of me, I felt like Angelina Jolie in the Tourist, all I did was stroll in effortlessly. Yes, there are still some of us who think life is that easy. A group of 3 ladies and 3 men followed suit and we all started with this journey that would lead to another, in that Korope (mini bus). There would be wild thoughts and great rea...

THE ENGLISH MAN At first, I perceived him as my enemy, as did my colleague. When you regarded him with a greeting he responded with silence or a frown, not once, not twice. He had these knocked knees that he threw around like his pride when he walked out or into the ENGLISH lab that accommodated unfriendly dust. I pictured his face one day as the image of the un-wiped whiteboard occupying space in the lab. The board had many inscriptions on it that were quite ugly; like drawings of an amateur. It just hung there, representing a deceitful notion of facility needed.  He would resume very early every weekday. His black shadow (computer bag) would sit on his desk signifying his presence when he left to teach a class. This black shadow suited a computer engineer or a lawyer, but certainly not an English teacher. I remember once picturing him in a suit and a tie, or a range rover sport. I had to perish the thought though because I wouldn’t know if he’d ever smile even in suc...

MARIERE It was said that she had this ravishing beauty that made suitors hover around her father’s compound. They would come prepared with gifts and entourages only to be frequently turned down by her. Few gave up the trial while many continued, unsuccessfully. The villagers waited to see the day and the lad who would win their untitled princess at last.  This one, he came out of the blue. He came like a king who could not be refused. He came prepared from a faraway land that even you cannot guess. He came for the taking and nothing less. Many had lost but he was called to win. Voila! The unpleasable damsel eventually was defeated by the affluence, charisma, debonair and gaiety of this lad. They gracefully were married without further ado. It was a quick wedding as the groom could not wait to consummate the union. A bit uneasy, mother and brother to the bride decide to accompany the couple to their home in Lagos to be familiar with where their blood would be inhabiting h...

I am a married woman and I have just had my first baby 👶. I got pregnant during my service year and gave birth just after I had passed out. My husband is a teacher and owns a coaching center for primary school children. I intend getting a job after my daughter clocks one but I have this voice in my head that keeps telling me to face reality. The reality here is that my chances of getting a job are slim as a married woman and a mother and a low-class citizen. Once a year or two passes and I am still unemployed, it would take the grace of God to get a suitable job without being tossed around like a tennis ball by employers. I am scared that my reality will be ending up as a housewife which is not a bad thing if only that’s what I want for myself. On the contrary, I want to be an educationist. I want to work with a school not because it is the best job for a married woman with a child but because I am one of the ones who love teaching and want it as a career path 😏. Recen...

The little I know about Nigeria is what others say about her; overpopulated, corrupt, dirty, poverty stricken, underdeveloped, a debtor, diabolic, dubious, etc. Definitely, your father and my mother would have mentioned one of the cited above. Is there anything new under Nigeria? Will she ever change to our concept of a great nation? Imagine your children responding to these questions. What do you think their reactions would be?  Would there be compatriots left of them? Would Nigeria be able to call for them to even obey? How would they show love to their fatherland by then? They might not even be familiar with any of their heroes past not to mention their labor. What would be the concept of freedom then when its meaning at the moment is meaningless? Do you even think peace and unity won’t be assessed by the “escape from Naija” spirit? If we do not even comprehend our noble cause how would God direct us? I mean, He can only guide those who don’t want to be misgu...

THE EGYPTIAN OR ME? On my way back from a lucky-less interview I met an Egyptian man asking for directions to a pot shop close by. He had on this sorry look like a man who had just lost his job. When I think of it now, I think it was because I thought we shared a mutual feeling that was why I even stopped to listen to him. “I look for pot shop close here. You know?” He asked. At first I could hardly understand him until I noticed he was holding a photo of the pot shop in his hands. I pointed towards the direction, telling him the easiest way to get there. Suddenly, this short movie became annoying when this sun-tanned chubby looking man asked for my almost-emptied bottle of water. That bottle of water was my first meal, friend and companion after my horrific interview- an interview that I was made to wait for hours only to be told that the boss had traveled and won’t be back any time soon. That bottle of water helped me hide my tears as I drank it while I struggled with m...

THE AGBO SELLER In the heart of Lagos market we find hustlers, buyers, fraudsters, beggars, alabarus (load carriers), you name them. Everyone is trying to solve a pressing need or want by hook or by crook and one of these is Olawunmi Jejeniwa the Agbo Seller (Herbal Medicine).  “I learnt the agbo business from my late father when we were still in Ibadan; that was some 15 to 20 years ago. Being a family business, my father also learnt from his father and so the generational tree bears more fruits because already two, of my three children, are well informed about the healing business. I survived a fire accident and I must mention that it was a terrible experience. I would have died if it wasn’t for my herbal knowledge. I knew what to apply on time and that is why you can hardly notice the burns. They are right here on my hands and even my chest (Giggles). I do not know what or how my life would have turned out if I had not taken full interest in learning this ...

How I couldn’t land a part-time job, what I learnt after and how it may help you secure a job For anyone seeking employment, it is essential to know how to impress an employer. It could be through preparation; knowledge of the employer’s pain points and showing that you are suited to take on the job and much more. You could consider the humble lessons I learnt about securing a job through my loss.  It was my HND One first semester. I had zero expectations of funds from anywhere but I needed to fend for myself and my sisters. This was one of the most difficult periods of my life. And I wanted to rescue myself with my skills and passion by getting a part-time job. With my average writing and designing skills, I was production manager and designer of YABATECH Mass Communication students’ newspaper and magazine. I had experience in designing, using designing computer applications. So I naturally gravitated towards securing creative jobs.  Soon after, I reconne...